What if Santa was also an EMT?

You can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed your mind. “What if that allusive man in red had a day job?” And not just any job, but worked as an EMT.

Here’s how we’d imagine Santa’s epic flight around the world would happen. You know…after pulling a twelve hour shift the night before.

• Bad boys and girls would receive cotton swabs

• All of his reindeer would have IVs to keep them hydrted

• Your stocking stuffer would be a copy of your vitals he took while you were sleeping

• He'd have a partner

• His suit would include tactical boots

• Christmas carols would be pretty gruesome

• He'd be used to the crazy hours

• He'd know all the good late night food spots...but would probably be interrupted halway through eating

• He'd have a magical refilling coffee thermos

• His sled would have lights and sirens

• The elves would dispatch which house is next

• He could backboard himself from any chimney-related injuries

• He would track how long it takes to go from home to home